Sunday, June 18, 2017

I don't want the world. I just want your half.

I'm hitting a low point in my brain lately.  I keep hearing about my ex-husband and his new girl, and I have to admit, as much as I'm trying to be accepting and happy for him, I'm sad for me.  So I'm going to start looking for someone myself.

I want someone to watch the rain roll in, and who wouldn't be worried about standing outside and getting wet as the wind whips up around us.  I'm looking for someone who will get their hands dirty along side me digging up weeds, or planting seedlings, or will break off a leaf of lettuce or a green bean and eat it out of the garden.  Someone to sympathize and mourn a little when the deer or rabbits eat certain plants to the ground, but still laughs and admires the wildlife scampering through the yard.

I want someone to swim with me, and splash me and dunk me, and will let me kiss wet lips in the water, who will camp with me and curl in a tent with me, throwing off the covers when it's too warm, and curling closer when it's too cold.  Someone who wants to run with me for miles, or hike long days, or spend hours exploring a few feet of earth for the way trees grow, or will endure me taking photos of wildflowers, or catching salamanders or frogs.

I want someone who loves dogs and cats, and most animals, who doesn't ignore their existence and put up with them, but lets them share our lives, as brief as the time with those fuzzy creatures is.  I want someone who pats the couch to include them, not getting angry about invasion.

I want someone to dream with, to share stories with, someone who hasn't shut off the magic from me, who is the magic to me.  Who as soon as they leave the room, I'm waiting until I see them again.  Someone who smiles easily, who complains little, who lives instead of just thinking about how to live.

Maybe this is too much.  I know it's not been long, and I'm just hoping I can find someone to put up with a woman who is growing older and more cynical daily, who has trouble saying no to people who need help, who has too much affection for her dogs.  Who is too trusting, and too honest (if there is such a thing).

I think I'll keep trying, and take a few more risks, and maybe there's someone out there who will give an almost used up nature girl a chance.  I hope so.