Saturday, May 31, 2008


Dear Inconsiderate Littering Asshole,

I was hoping to enjoy a relaxing walk with my dog at the wildlife refuge today. Instead I find your garbage all over the path, shoved in places, and stuffed into and onto things. You are not an accidental litterer. I did not find your leavings accidentally fallen on the ground, which, though I can't condone, could be tolerated as carelessness. Beer bottles do not tend to blow upwards and invert themselves onto fallen branches 3 feet off the ground, nor do used tissues fly with the force of will to cram themselves into the hollow knots of pine trees, or stuff themselves in the crevasses in between interpretive signs to help hikers find their way. These acts are unforgivable, and if I ever find you, I will personally shove a beer bottle so far up your ass, that you will be making that beer bottle blowing noise when you try to talk.

Lets have a little respect for nature, more than a little respect for the people that are going to follow you on this trail, and a whole hell of a lot of respect for our children, and the children of the future, that are going to have to cope with the future, and who we should try to leave things at least as nice as we found them, if not better.

So, I hope you burn in a special circle of hell reserved for your littering, selfish, douchebag kind.


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Reason #7 why my tea is always cold.

Have finished hanging laundry outside while baby is playing happily on the floor. Come back, check on baby, go make tea. Put tea in microwave.

Go pick up baby. Baby has fouled himself. Baby Reeks.

Take baby upstairs, begin to change diaper.

Baby decides to explore his poo-covered genitals with his hand as soon as I open diaper. Wipe hand quickly with wipe. Baby sticks (cleanish) hand in mouth while i clean his bottom. Hand wanders down to explore genitals again, again is wiped. This continues until new diaper is in place. Baby wiggling prevents clothing from being buttoned easily. Do a last wipe on baby's hand. Place baby in office with his toys. Start to play with baby. Tea is forgotten.

Remember tea 20 minutes later.

Reheat tea.